Belly Buttons
by Ninja School Dropout
Summary: Lennox and Epps have a few questions for The Medic.


**A/N:On a much lighter note than the other oneshot I just wrote... XD Me and my friend had a conversation this weekend, and I wrote this yesterday in response.**

* * *

Lennox sent a strange glance over to Epps. "What?"

"Do you have an innie or an outie?"

Lennox rolled his eyes. "What does it matter?"

"Well, I'd like to know if you're an alien." Epps shrugged.

"That's bullshit." Lennox leaned back on the rec room's couch. "Besides, it's if you don't have a belly button. How do you know aliens don't have belly buttons?"

"We can always ask." Epps smirked.

Lennox snorted. "Fine, but you're asking Ratchet."

Epps frowned. "I don't want to."

"What's the worse he can do?" Lennox laughed.

"Throw a huge wrench at us." Epps answered. "Do you think they have belly buttons?"

"I don't know. I don't see how they can."

"Maybe their armor is like clothes, and when they take it off, BAM! Belly button," Epps smirked.

Lennox laughed. "Nice theory. What if their armor is just their skin, and they're always walking around naked?"

Epps frowned. "You mean, they could be a bunch of nudists?"

Lennox shrugged. "They could be. Maybe the color of their armor is just like the color of our skin."

"What if we've seen their junk, and we haven't even noticed?"

Lennox shuttered. "Maybe we _should_ talk to Ratchet."

* * *

Ratchet stared down at the two humans. They came shuffling into his domain as if he was going throw them against a wall or something. "What?"

Lennox pushed Epps forward. Epps looked around nervously before pulling Lennox in front of him. This went on for a period of time. Ratchet finally lost it. "OUT WITH IT! I'M BUSY!"

Lennox gulped. "Do you guys have belly buttons?"

"Belly buttons?" Ratchet quickly looked up the term. "The scar left behind by the umbilical cord?"

"It's a scar?" Epps asked.

Ratchet sighed. "Yes, it is. Why are you asking me if we have one?"

Lennox looked over to Epps. "Well when you're children you always hear if a person doesn't have a belly button, then they are an alien."

Ratchet raised an optic ridge. "I see."

"So do you?" Epps asked eagerly."

"Why would we have a belly button? We are not born like you are. We do not have umbilical cords. We come into existence by the Allspark or the Well of All Sparks."

"So aliens don't have belly buttons?" Lennox asked.

"Cybertronians don't have bellybuttons."

"What other aliens are out there?" Epps asked.

Ratchet went silent. "Doesn't matter. Any other ridiculous questions?"

Epps smiled. "Are you naked right now?"

Ratchet's optics widened. "Excuse me?"

Lennox sighed as he brought his hand up to his face, and slowly brought it down. "I cannot believe you just asked that?"

Epps just smiled. "Well, are you naked right now. Am I seeing your junk without even knowing it?"

Ratchet was not amused. "Are you naked right now? Am I seeing your privates without even knowing?"

Epps smirked. "You'd know if you were looking at mine." Epps wiggled his eyebrows.

"A little too confident, Epps." Lennox groaned.

Ratchet just stared at the two. Epps just smiled. "You didn't answer, Doc."

"I am trying to think of a way to explain this to you, without wanting to crush you afterwards."

"Ratchet, we do not harm humans." Optimus stood in the doorway of the Med bay. "Prowl, gave this to me, but I believe it is for you."

"Why do you think it's for me?" Ratchet walked over to Optimus, and accepted the data pad. A smile spread over his face. "This is yours."

"I do not-"

"I told him to give it to you. That's all the damages The twins caused that I shouldn't have to repair. There is only two cybertronian medics in this base, and we don't have time for scrap like that."

Epps smirked. "Hey, Optimus."

"Dude, no!" Lennox glared.

"Are you naked right now?"

Optimus went stiff. "I'm not sure how to answer that."

Ratchet sighed. Optimus looked over to him as if expecting Ratchet to answer. "No, we are not naked." Ratchet glared at Epps.

"How? Is your armor removable?"

"Ratchet, I believe we should tell them."

"Tell us what?" Lennox asked.

"Our armor is not supposed to be detachable."

"And it is?" Epps asked.

"Only because some idiot thought it would be a good idea to rip his bonded's off and play around with the wiring underneath."

Lennox went stiff. He knew where this was going.

Epps obviously didn't. "What happened."

Optimus smirked. "He found out it felt good."

Epps's face went from a big smile to disgust. "Oh."

The room went silent. Optimus and Ratchet were smirking while Epps, and Lennox stood awkwardly. Epps was first to talk again. "Did they figure out how to put it back on?"

"They did." Ratchet nodded.

"Oh. Does it hurt to take it off?"

"No, but it is dangerous to leave it off for long. It exposes our protoforms, our skeleton."

Lennox sighed. "I think we should go. It's been awkward."

Ratchet smirked. "I believe humans have a saying. Curiosity killed the cat."

Lennox frowned. "Yeah, yeah."


End file.
